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Post by hoyabella on Apr 29, 2019 15:04:59 GMT
Do you have any realistic, specific, applicable tips for writing better letters?
I never thought my letter were so bad but given the ridiculously low response rate to the mail I send to new people, I have begun to think that I might be wrong in my approach to penpals (especially the new ones) and that perhaps people find my letters outright bad. I know that tastes and expectations vary but I think I could really use some *realistic, specific, applicable* tips for writing better letters.
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Post by stompie on Apr 29, 2019 16:19:09 GMT
No idea. Sending you my address so you can write to me.
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Post by PhotoJim on Apr 29, 2019 17:35:47 GMT
I think it's hard to give specific advice. Everyone is so different.
Some people write little teaser introductory letters, and some write novellas. If you click with someone, the length is not going to matter, but the longer the letter, the more likely it is that the recipient is going to know whether you are a good fit for that person or not. I think most people want to make some sort of personal connection when they correspond.
Personally, I don't make my first letter too long - maybe two to four small pages (counting each side as a single page), or half that if bigger sheets. The time, for me, for really long letters is when you know someone quite well. And be sure that whomever you are writing to has time to write you back. If I can't write right away, I always let the person know, so that they can manage their expectations. (For example, significant parts of April were very bad for me, and I warned people accordingly. But I'm happy to report that I got caught up!)
Keep trying. You only need one (or a few) regular correspondent(s) to have fun with the hobby.
I'm really into fountain pens, so I usually write to fountain pen fans - we are guaranteed to have at least one thing in common.
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Post by christyotwisty on Apr 29, 2019 19:21:59 GMT
From Lewis Carroll's "Eight or Nine Wise Words About Letter-Writing": 1. Write legibly. 2. Don't repeat yourself. (This is a problem I have, when I start a letter, put it down, and pick it up again. I don't think to review) 3. When you have written a letter that you feel may possibly irritate your friend, however necessary you may have felt it to so express yourself, put it aside till the next day. Then read it over again, and fancy it addressed to yourself. 4. When you get to the end of a notesheet, and find you have more to say, take another piece of paper—a whole sheet, or a scrap, as the case may demand: but whatever you do, don’t cross! Cross-writing makes for cross reading. Realistic, applicable, specific, practical (real-life experience Do's, D'ohs and Don'ts) 5. Ask interesting questions. If the questions aren't interesting in your opinion, try simple questions about your correspondent's passions, occupation, or where (s)he lives. I overdid it once and wrote 34 questions on a topic my correspondent taught at university, to show interest. She didn't reply. The Five Questions feature here is very good. I downloaded Zondervan's eBook The Book of Questions and occasionally use some questions. 6. Humour is a hard to translate in letters to people you don't know. If it should ever occur to you to write, jestingly, in dispraise of your friend, be sure you exaggerate enough to make the jesting obvious: a word spoken in jest, but taken as earnest, may lead to very serious consequences. I have known it to lead to the breaking-off of a friendship. Don't ask about violence or crime rates or joke about controversial local politicians who died -- I've done that, I have a warped mind, but I've learned to limit its exercise to where it's welcome. Ask who makes your pen pal laugh -- are the answers people who are/were gentle, mild like Palmolive? Or are they acerbic and controversial? 7. Don't write about your loved one agreeing 100% with a polarizing and controversial political or religious figure. You don't know if your correspondent is suffering anxiety and despair from that person's policies, or has loved ones who suffered or are suffering. 100% may be an exaggeration, but your unknown correspondent might not see it as an exaggeration. 8. Make sure your address shows at least once -- in the letter and/or on the envelope.
9. A good opening letter is "a little bit me, a little bit you." If you have the advantage of a sufficiently descriptive profile of your correspondent, and the good luck of encountering a mentioned URL of a shared-interest forum where you and the other have active userids, you can compare interests. The more esoteric and less common shared interests should be highlighted early in the letter with "this is why you and I must be friends."
For answering letters: Don't fill more than a page and a half with apologies for not having written sooner! The best subject, to begin with, is your friend's last letter. If your friend makes a severe remark, either leave it unnoticed, or make your reply distinctly less severe: and if he makes a friendly remark, tending towards "making up" the little difference that has arisen between you, let your reply be distinctly more friendly.
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Post by distractedmom on Apr 29, 2019 19:49:28 GMT
Where are you getting the recipients names and addresses from? I have found a very low reply rate from the Inco site and wonder if sometimes people put their name on the list on a whim and have no real intention of starting up correspondences.
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Post by christyotwisty on Apr 29, 2019 20:23:27 GMT
Where are you getting the recipients names and addresses from? I have found a very low reply rate from the Inco site and wonder if sometimes people put their name on the list on a whim and have no real intention of starting up correspondences. Two InCoWriMo sites are confusing. One allows entrants the option of keeping their address up past the end of February -- I bet a lot of people did that years ago and have moved since. The InCoWriMo-2018 (now InCoWriMo 2019) site with a "Comments" page for people to post their profiles and use their Gravatars (Disqus maybe?) was where I found people. Checking the newest comments, I find among them some "I know February is past, but InCoWriMo was such a terrific experience for me" 2019 detailed profiles, it's not someone I'm writing to (I am behind), I'm sharing because this seems to have enough members with interests in common.
The other one I found my 2018 pen pals who had changed their addresses.
One woman who wrote from an "exotic" locale, as in she was the only participant from her nation, admitted she had no interest in starting/continuing correspondences: she was all about the getting, some of the entrants are of the "gimme" variety.
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Post by Mia on Apr 29, 2019 22:10:09 GMT
I was actually quite surprised at the amount of replies I had to my surprises this year. Mostly "randomly" generated (page whatever in a book / magazine said something and I tried to find addresses with that or associated words in...). I did receive some letters from previous years, not exactly sure what their objectives were - just one offs?. Reminds me of the messages on postcards - Happy Postcrossing (although to be fair, the postcard there is the requirement). I don't know whether a letter equivalent of Postcrossing would work. Some people write long letters (many pages of A4), but others write maybe 3 sides of A5... Letters of either length can be good.
I do wonder about some of the addresses on the inco-19 list - especially those I think I recognise from previous years. I'd have preferred people submit their addresses each year, not just in case they've moved but they could be no longer alive..
I know the way I write letters, certainly the first letter, has changed since I restarted penpalling 12 years ago. I was writing what I now call CV-style letters, the all about me - age, family, location, hobbies, to people on a penpalling site where you have profiles. I wasn't getting very many replies at all. However, one thing about that site was that Postcrossing was listed in many a-profile so I went there. I am very fond of Postcrossing, and discovered the forum. I have found penpals through that forum, but a fair few of letters didn't lead to long-term penfriendship.
Things to remember - you can't be friends with everyone, and not everyone will like you either. There are different levels of friendship/acquaintancy - a nodding hello to the neighbours, the common cause acquaintance (parents of the other children in your child's class) or people who share the same hobby (fountain pens), those you see in a social setting (down the pub, club, sporting event) on a regular basis. There are people you call friends, but might not be ones you call on in time of need/crisis. Then there are the close friends. Penfriends and correspondents cover this range too. Some people become close friends very quickly, other times, it takes a while to develop a friendship. Think about how long you've known your non-snail-mail friends.
I don't mind writing to those in the just acquaintance category, as long as I also have some good/close penfriends too.
As for the letter, conversational styles vary. Some people you can have a laugh with. Some people appreciate humour. Not everyone does (I came across one in a Welsh language social - the course we took was conversational and had humour in, sometimes to highlight the grammar - he didn't like the humour at all - I still remember the humour almost 15 years after taking the course). Humour varies internationally, and with age/era. They say that laughter is the best medicine (whoever "they" are). I am a fan of the exclamation mark! I do use more than one where the sentence allows it.
Asking some questions is good. But too many may make it an interrogation. A spoken dialogue/conversation between friends is not all question and answer.
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Post by MKB on Apr 30, 2019 2:43:57 GMT
I sometimes like to lead into related unusual events or short stories, like accidentally leaving my older sister behind on a stop in the middle of nowhere on a family vacation. "Where's Barb!?" And then ask, "Have you ever had something crazy like that happen?" When you start getting comfortable, write about feelings emotions, "Those chewy tough brownies reminded me of the ones my mom used to make. I know she had little to no extra time, after my father had left. It was like a sign of her love for us. I've tried to make them myself, but I just can't get the recipe right."
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Post by hoyabella on May 1, 2019 6:17:29 GMT
Keep trying. You only need one (or a few) regular correspondent(s) to have fun with the hobby. Yes, sure :-)
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Post by hoyabella on May 1, 2019 6:20:02 GMT
Where are you getting the recipients names and addresses from? I have found a very low reply rate from the Inco site and wonder if sometimes people put their name on the list on a whim and have no real intention of starting up correspondences. Mostly from Send Something, choosing people who are still active on the site.
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Post by hoyabella on May 1, 2019 6:27:01 GMT
Two InCoWriMo sites are confusing. One allows entrants the option of keeping their address up past the end of February -- I bet a lot of people did that years ago and have moved since. Indeed. At the incowrimo site I found the name of a former penpal, listed with her old address. Ok, she might have moved back but I have reason to think it unlikely... If I were the inco site manager I would not carry over addresses from the previous year, too many things can change.
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Post by hoyabella on May 1, 2019 6:28:40 GMT
I sometimes like to lead into related unusual events or short stories, like accidentally leaving my older sister behind on a stop in the middle of nowhere on a family vacation. :-D No, it has not happened to me but I saw an Italian movie starting with such a scene :-D
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Post by hoyabella on May 1, 2019 6:40:53 GMT
From Lewis Carroll's "Eight or Nine Wise Words About Letter-Writing" I read part of it ages ago and totally forgot! Accidentally, I am in this situation now with my long time penfriend (or should I say penpal?) I suppose she did not mean anything bad but her letter showed how distant and different we are now. Or maybe we have always been but never realized. Perhaps I shall wait until I have enough interesting things to write about and let our differences be. Thank you for all the tips!
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Post by hoyabella on May 1, 2019 6:46:00 GMT
Things to remember - you can't be friends with everyone, and not everyone will like you either. There are different levels of friendship/acquaintancy Indeed. Thank you for the tips!
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Post by Rouge on Oct 30, 2019 22:51:02 GMT
I am not really sure if I have some tips to write good letters, do I ?? I think the most important is taking pleasure on writing, and also to be interested by your penpal. If you take pleasure and kind of "take care", the reader will feel it. I might be wrong, but this is the way I try to do, and apart from five questions, I manage to keep 4 to 5 penpals I feel good with. It is not a lot, but keep it in mind : you can't be friend with everyone.
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