|
Post by schnacks on Apr 30, 2018 14:17:45 GMT
What is the best way to do this? So awkward! I don’t feel comfortable with just not replying. I want to be kind, but it’s plainly obvious that we have so little in common. In fact, we are in opposing corners on most things. Whilst I love the idea of learning new things, exchanging views etc, I’m not feeling that it’s worth the struggle in this case.
So, I’m feeling like I should write something but I don’t know what to write, how to say it.
Thoughts?
|
|
|
Post by ritak on Apr 30, 2018 15:04:46 GMT
I want to be kind, but it’s plainly obvious that we have so little in common. schnacks, I personally believe that sometimes a little white lie, when done to be kind, is okay. You could tell her that your life situation has changed and because of time restraints you need to cut back on your correspondence. Wish her well and tell her you hope she understands. No need for long explanations and no need to feel bad. Not everyone clicks. I'm curious to see how others would handle this.
|
|
|
Post by mailartist on Apr 30, 2018 15:56:32 GMT
I want to be kind, but it’s plainly obvious that we have so little in common. schnacks, I personally believe that sometimes a little white lie, when done to be kind, is okay. I'm not sure that this is a white lie, at least if you are brief and couch things in generalities. Clearly circumstances have changed (you've decided that the correspondence isn't working), and you do have to reduce your correspondence (even if it's just to that individual) to concentrate on other things. None of that is "white lie." Just lacking in potentially hurtful specifics. But I wouldn't embroider with false stories about needing to rush your Dalmation to New Zealand for some breakthrough orthopaedic surgery, so you'll be so busy learning Maori, that you won't have time to write -- especially if you don't own a dog. That would be a white lie. Agreed that brief, but well wishes are appropriate at the conclusion (since it's clear that you don't want to offend, but that there are "so many letters to write, but so little time." There has to be some pick-and-choose in all of this.) You could fit all of this on a postcard.
|
|
|
Post by sails on Apr 30, 2018 16:19:41 GMT
What is the best way to do this? So awkward! I don’t feel comfortable with just not replying. I want to be kind, but it’s plainly obvious that we have so little in common. In fact, we are in opposing corners on most things. Whilst I love the idea of learning new things, exchanging views etc, I’m not feeling that it’s worth the struggle in this case. So, I’m feeling like I should write something but I don’t know what to write, how to say it. Thoughts? You don't have to say anything...I can take a hint.
|
|
|
Post by Mia on Apr 30, 2018 17:10:40 GMT
I have had a couple of postcards to end the correspondence. Also by private messaging.
I've replied to all the InCoWriMo surprise letters, but if I don't want to continue the correspondence from the project, I send a postcard or short missive.
There are times perhaps, you don't want to deal with a certain letter and although in a writing mood, you just put that letter aside and reply to someone else. Perhaps I am a bit of a coward If I leave the letter unreplied (just in case there is a glimmer of hope that correspondence could actually continue).
|
|
|
Post by alcyone on Apr 30, 2018 17:37:43 GMT
People just stop writing to me one day. I'll sometimes send a follow up after a while to see if we just got out of sync or something, but if someone doesn't want to write they just won't, and I'll prefer to believe they are just taking a break.
Still, if someone wrote me a card saying they found it difficult to find anything to say to me, and sorry, but they won't be sending further correspondence, but they think I'm a swell person and wish me well, that'd be fine.
|
|
|
Post by mailartist on Apr 30, 2018 19:24:05 GMT
Still, if someone wrote me a card saying they found it difficult to find anything to say to me, and sorry, but they won't be sending further correspondence, but they think I'm a swell person and wish me well, that'd be fine. I think the idea is that if you must give someone vinegar and honey, you make it a little vinegar, but a lot of honey.
|
|
|
Post by schnacks on Apr 30, 2018 21:14:17 GMT
You don't have to say anything...I can take a hint. Ha ha ha.
|
|
|
Post by MKB on May 1, 2018 1:50:42 GMT
"It's not you, it's me."
|
|
|
Post by tramplingrose on May 1, 2018 14:47:20 GMT
I’d probably try and somehow sugarcoat it, but just send a postcard/notecard stating that you don’t feel things clicking and this will be your final correspondence. Short, simple, and to the point, but without ghosting someone.
|
|
|
Post by schnacks on May 3, 2018 14:20:10 GMT
Thank you all for your ideas! Truly appreciated.
|
|
|
Post by DJW1066 on May 4, 2018 11:31:09 GMT
Your posting on this is itself a candid, non-hostile, and completely reasonable approach to the problem. If you were to pose the question to your correspondent and ask their opinion on how to go forward, it could facilitate a mutually agreeable separation, or, who knows, maybe a " let's start over" happy ending.
|
|
escorpio
Pencils
Posts: 87
Looking for Penpals?: Perhaps. It depends...
|
Post by escorpio on Jan 7, 2021 18:03:05 GMT
I'm currently in this situation. I've been corresponding with a woman for a little under a year and I don't enjoy it. She seems perfectly sweet and even sent me a Christmas gift, but I don't look forward to receiving her letters or replying to them, as our discussions have never deepened, they're still very shallow and unfulfilled, for me. But it's so hard to write and say that. "Hey, thanks for gift, BTW I don't want to write to you anymore." But when I get mail from others, I'm excited to read the letters, but with hers it's meh. Maybe I should just bite the bullet in a polite way?
|
|
|
Post by Catida on Jan 7, 2021 18:54:35 GMT
General thoughts: In my experience "just disappearing" is by far the most common way to end a correspondence. But it can be risky if you're also planning to look for new penfriends. Not nice if your ex-penpal then happens to see your penpal add! Even worse if you've given some false excuse for not writing to them anymore. Or what if they get worried that something's happened to you, and in the end you have to tell them "I'm fine, I just didn't want to write to you anymore.." On the other hand, what if both parties share the feeling that they don't click, but both are too polite to bring it up, or to stop writing? When the problem is not having anything in common, the other part might even be relieved if you tell you're not going to write them anymore. But escorpio, the Christmas gift really makes your situation extra tricky! Hard to not look ungrateful. Any chance it could still work out, if you told her you wanted to discuss deeper topics, asked her some questions that could lead the conversation to a direction you would enjoy more..? But if you really want to end it, I still think it's better to give an (short) explanation than to leave them wondering what's wrong with them.
|
|
|
Post by Mia on Jan 7, 2021 19:05:19 GMT
That's difficult. Did any of the letters she wrote bring you joy? What would you do if this was a friendship in person, say someone at school/college/work...? Think I've had heart-to-heart, or a third party stepped in (someone in class). I've also seen some classmates break up... leaving one in tears.. I wonder if there is such a thing as penpal-mediation?
|
|