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Post by vertolive on Dec 12, 2015 16:05:55 GMT
I'm female, sex and gender. My correspondents include a few more men than women. My husband enjoys the occasional snippets of letters that I read to him and my son loves to find the country of origin in his atlas, so it's sort of a family event to get a letter.
That said, I have a wide range of disparate interests that tend to span gender and that makes it easy to have a variety of interesting conversations.
"Other"--I have sent Get Well cards to dogs of both sexes.
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Post by Mia on Dec 20, 2015 0:46:58 GMT
"Other"--I have sent Get Well cards to dogs of both sexes. I sent a Postcrossing postcard to a cat. Not just any cat, but Gordon, a fat fluffy lovable 12 year old (Born November 29th 2003) pure breed Colour point Persian cat.
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Post by annavalerious on Jan 7, 2016 10:16:12 GMT
One of my best friends/penpals is a married guy. He has a kid too. We've been writing to each other for 5 years and there's never been a problem. We never exchanged pictures, maybe that's the key? It feels as if I was writing to a girl friend as we're very similar and I have no idea how he looks like. His wife knows about me and she's sent me some packages for my birthday, as I always send a gift for his whole family when it's his birthday (I wouldn't feel comfortable sending something only for him). Sometimes in the past, when I was looking for new pen pals some guys said their wives didn't allow them to write to other women, and in a way I can understand that. But like one of you said: you can meet people anywhere: at work, in a shop, in the bus... there's "danger" everywhere you go. But we're adults who can control our feelings, and if we don't want anything to happen, then it won't. I'm taken but I see a lot of attractive guys out there, and it doesn't mean I'll do anything with them. The same goes for my friends. We all keep a distance and know where's the limit.
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Post by mailartist on Jan 8, 2016 23:32:20 GMT
Gender and relationships have become so fluid now that to be completely safe from unwanted advances, one should only write a parakeet. To secure a current relationship, one must secure that current relationship. There is no other way around that.
If a pen pal makes an unwanted advance, then that needs to be clearly addressed in a follow up correspondence, perhaps with the warning that if such forward talk continues, that person's letters will no longer be read or responded to.
I am happily and securely married (i.e., not a swinger) and would be creeped out by a proposition from anyone, regardless of gender.
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Post by MKB on Jan 11, 2016 8:30:40 GMT
When I first started writing letters, I thought I would prefer to correspond with women, having had more female friends generally in life. After some time writing both women and men, it turns out that it really just depends on the individual and not their gender.
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Post by annavalerious on Feb 15, 2016 18:44:14 GMT
Hi guys, remember what I said not so long ago about writing to men? I mentioned I've had a German friend for 5 years who is married and has a son, and that there was never a problem... well, it looks like there will be a little bit of drama in my life again!! After 5 years of real friendship, thinking that his wife agreed with our correspondence and that all was fine, three weird things happened and I would appreciate your comments: First, he confessed that his wife doesn't know we exchange emails every 2-3 days, and that when he writes me those emails he's never at home (he takes his laptop to some pub and writes me there). His wife only knows about our letters. Second, he moved to a new flat downtown before New Year's Eve but he hasn't given me his new address (although I asked for it, as he had his birthday on January and I wanted to send him a card). Third, we haven't exchanged pictures yet and we don't know what the other looks like. He told me today that he's never sent me his picture because he's "not goodlooking" and was afraid I would find him ugly. Well, I really don't care about his appearance, I mean, we're friends!! We're not potential lovers! Why would appearance be important? He's like a brother to me, I really don't care whether he's ugly or handsome, he's my friend! It feels as if those 5 years of true friendship were some sort of lie. Am I too sensitive? It was quite a shock for me to read that he's been hiding our emails from his wife for 5 years, and the fact that he hasn't given me his new address makes me wonder, is he trying to tell me he doesn't want to be my pen pal anymore? I'm not brave enough to ask him directly, I mean, I don't want to cause him problems with his wife. His wife comes first and if writing me is a problem I'll disappear from his life. It's just so sad. I was so sure that friendship between men and women was possible, but I'm not so sure anymore after what he told me!
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Post by Gary S on Feb 15, 2016 19:58:56 GMT
I think emails may well seem more intimate to a spouse. I exchange letters and emails with mailartist here on the forums and so far it seems that our emails are just extensions of our letter writing activity but that being said emails are definitely more real time correspondence and could be seen as taking away from time spent with the spouse if they became too frequent. Every 2-3 days doesn't seem unreasonable to me though. I think perhaps your pen pal doesn't look upon your relationship in exactly the same light as you do. Not that he wants anything more than you do but he seems to feel that his appearance couldn't possibly not matter to you as a female. It may well be that he's never had a platonic relationship with a female that wasn't a close relative. I'm personally ugly enough that the opposite is true....most women never consider me for anything other than a platonic friend from the first time they lay eyes on me. Think of a Bride of Frankenstein kind of reaction if you have trouble picturing it I'd personally counsel letting it play out and see what happens. Perhaps even stopping the emails as those seem to be creating some type of guilty behavior association with the fellow. He's sneaking around to read and answer them so they have some type of forbidden fruit association in his mind at least.
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Post by DJW1066 on Feb 15, 2016 20:53:45 GMT
People, and their relationships, can be very complicated. Even in "full contact" relationships, people are often shocked to discover undisclosed sides to their partners. In mail relationships, we see only what the other person chooses to show us, which may be only a narrow or filtered view of themselves. Who knows how much exaggeration or understatement or outright fiction is involved. But I chose to see such possibilities as outliers, and believe straightforward honest friendships are the norm.
In this case It sounds like your friend has some sorting-out to do, and your relationship might need recalibrating.
But, please don't generalize your present situation into a broad belief that men / women friendships aren't possible or normal.
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Post by annavalerious on Feb 18, 2016 18:52:43 GMT
I think emails may well seem more intimate to a spouse. I exchange letters and emails with mailartist here on the forums and so far it seems that our emails are just extensions of our letter writing activity but that being said emails are definitely more real time correspondence and could be seen as taking away from time spent with the spouse if they became too frequent. Every 2-3 days doesn't seem unreasonable to me though. I think perhaps your pen pal doesn't look upon your relationship in exactly the same light as you do. Not that he wants anything more than you do but he seems to feel that his appearance couldn't possibly not matter to you as a female. It may well be that he's never had a platonic relationship with a female that wasn't a close relative. I'm personally ugly enough that the opposite is true....most women never consider me for anything other than a platonic friend from the first time they lay eyes on me. Think of a Bride of Frankenstein kind of reaction if you have trouble picturing it I'd personally counsel letting it play out and see what happens. Perhaps even stopping the emails as those seem to be creating some type of guilty behavior association with the fellow. He's sneaking around to read and answer them so they have some type of forbidden fruit association in his mind at least. I'm not a beauty, but I have faith in human beings and I believe that people who are worth having in my life won't care about my appearance. That's why I never understand people who are afraid of losing my friendship if they show me their pictures. Maybe you're right, he told me he's never had female friends before, that his group of friends was "nerdy" and just guys. I will definitely follow your advice and stop emailing. Mostly because he's stopped talking to me on Twitter as well, so there might be some problem behind with his wife. Thanks!!
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Post by annavalerious on Feb 18, 2016 18:54:09 GMT
People, and their relationships, can be very complicated. Even in "full contact" relationships, people are often shocked to discover undisclosed sides to their partners. In mail relationships, we see only what the other person chooses to show us, which may be only a narrow or filtered view of themselves. Who knows how much exaggeration or understatement or outright fiction is involved. But I chose to see such possibilities as outliers, and believe straightforward honest friendships are the norm. In this case It sounds like your friend has some sorting-out to do, and your relationship might need recalibrating. But, please don't generalize your present situation into a broad belief that men / women friendships aren't possible or normal. Thank you for your opinion, I know you're right and that friendship is possible. Maybe he has some issues he needs to sort out, so I will give him some space. He's always confided me his problems, so I'm sure that when he will be ready, he will tell me.
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legallyinked
Crayons
Posts: 26
Looking for Penpals?: Yes. Global penpals welcome
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Post by legallyinked on Mar 15, 2016 12:16:03 GMT
What an interesting thread. I have over 30 regular pen pals, and to me they are people. I have never separated them by gender. My letter writing is about the opportunity to meet amazing people I would never otherwise meet. Gender is irrelevant to me because every person has something to offer. I've never had a letter where something inappropriate occurred, and I've talked about just about everything. I am married, and I share snippets of letters with my husband and we have had many adventures meeting my pen pals. He is blown away by the quality of the people and the quality of the interactions so he loves that I have such a wide variety of friends. We even flew up to Toronto for a wedding of a male pen pal that we met for the first time there, along with three other pen pals and their spouses. It was such a great time!! But again, my brain just knew he was a great person (as opposed to "man") so there was no issue. I sometimes think we get focused on gender (which is wildly different, yes) and forget that it is all just humanity and a great way to Share experience and pen/ink knowledge and other kinds of things. I love hearing about spouses and children and follow up on their health and activities as is relevant. Just my take on the issue. I would have missed out on SO MUCH so far if I had divided this process by gender. Of course, this is all solely my own perspective and experience.
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Post by temeraire on Apr 5, 2016 13:17:43 GMT
I put I prefer writing to my own gender... but this has been based on experience more than anything else. When I started writing snail mail letters properly in my early twenties, I really didn't mind writing to any gender. Pen palling has always been female dominated, I feel, so I didn't have many male friends but the ones I did have... they either took a long time to reply (which I don't generally mind but it's hard to strike a friendship when you only hear from someone three or four times a year) or the letters were extremely short and bad written. I know that there are men out there who write long letters which they take care and effort over... maybe I was just using the wrong sites to find new pen pals
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Post by distractedmom on Apr 5, 2016 18:29:49 GMT
I also write to many pen pals with the expectation that they often share my letters with their partners or other family members, and I really welcome that. It makes me happy that they do :-) I share bits and pieces of the letters I receive with my family, whether they want to hear it or not. It's part of the fun!
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Post by gellerbing on Aug 13, 2016 20:09:42 GMT
i used to write to any gender but i found after a while many guys just ended up sleazy. so now i only stick to female penpals. it's a shame really as in everyday life i get on better with guys than i do girls.
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kacyds
Crayons
Did you hear the joke about the unstamped letter? You wouldn't get it.
Posts: 24
Looking for Penpals?: Yes. Global penpals welcome
Country I live in is: USA
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Post by kacyds on Oct 18, 2016 21:15:54 GMT
I picked no, doesnt matter to me.
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