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Post by Mia on Sept 15, 2015 20:40:47 GMT
Does penpal gender actually matter?
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Post by sharmon202 on Sept 15, 2015 21:39:36 GMT
No. Also, I do so appreciate you using the word gender. One of my pet peeves is using the word 'sex' in place of 'gender'. Bugs the crap outta me!
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Post by writingrav on Sept 15, 2015 21:48:26 GMT
Also no. No preference at all, but I like to have a balance.
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Post by Mia on Sept 15, 2015 21:54:05 GMT
The reason I ask is having seen posts elsewhere saying they only want to write to the same gender because their partners would be jealous or unhappy... I wrote the question out for Instagram but also included a sub-question - Is it OK for a partner/spouse to dictate who you can't write to?
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Post by kansaskyle on Sept 15, 2015 22:09:52 GMT
I selected "Yes, I only write to the same gender because my partner would get jealous otherwise."
I don't have any penpals (yet), but I would rather correspond with men only.
My concern with writing to someone of a different gender is the possibility of sharing information with someone else, and developing a relationship that goes beyond friendship. I don't view it as a jealousy thing so much. I see it more as protecting my marriage.
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Post by Mia on Sept 15, 2015 22:38:07 GMT
... My concern with writing to someone of a different gender is the possibility of sharing information with someone else, and developing a relationship that goes beyond friendship. I don't view it as a jealousy thing so much. I see it more as protecting my marriage. This was a concern when I was a lot younger, although I still had male penpals. One even came to visit (another story) but "romance" did not come into it (I was 21 then). When I joined one penpal website, even though I said on my profile, happily married, etc,... at the start, I was getting marriage proposals (on the private messaging system) mainly from those in Africa (a common problem) so there, I had to lock my profile to females only. The site actually had a category for those looking for more than just friendship. However, since taking part in InCoWriMo and another letterwriting project, maybe at first it was more correspondence than penpalship, the experience felt very freeing especially as there was very little in the way of a profile (e.g. I'm umpteen years old, I am a brain surgeon living on Vulcan, and I like boy bands, and table tennis). I don't think I would have written to the Jolly people now here if they had described themselves fully in a profile.
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Post by skye on Sept 16, 2015 1:35:05 GMT
I have always had male and female penpals and enjoy them both equally. The things written to a female can be different than to a male (mainly due to different shared interests).
I do not think it is fair for a spouse or partner to dictate who you can or cannot write to. If you as the correspondent want to restrict who you will write to, I see no inherent issues. One of the males I wrote to in my uni days was married, his wife was also the jealous sort. Early on she made it clear that she may potentially want to read our letters, this I had no issue with. It didnt take her long to discover that she found little interest in what we were writing about. I tend to write my letters fully expecting the spouse or partner to read it or to be read sections of it.
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Post by migo984 on Sept 16, 2015 6:51:37 GMT
No. Also, I do so appreciate you using the word gender. One of my pet peeves is using the word 'sex' in place of 'gender'. Bugs the crap outta me! Hear hear Sandy! It bugs me too. I really don't understand the concept of differentiating pen pals on the basis of gender, whether they are different or the same. I also write to many pen pals with the expectation that they often share my letters with their partners or other family members, and I really welcome that. It makes me happy that they do :-)
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Post by Mia on Sept 16, 2015 9:08:20 GMT
No. Also, I do so appreciate you using the word gender. One of my pet peeves is using the word 'sex' in place of 'gender'. Bugs the crap outta me! Perhaps some of you in a mischievous mood might contemplate writing "yes please" in forms if 'gender' is not used instead ! If this forum was up 20 years ago, I might not have used the word 'gender' instead.
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Post by Mia on Sept 16, 2015 9:16:01 GMT
I selected "Yes, I only write to the same gender because my partner would get jealous otherwise." I don't have any penpals (yet), but I would rather correspond with men only. My concern with writing to someone of a different gender is the possibility of sharing information with someone else, and developing a relationship that goes beyond friendship. I don't view it as a jealousy thing so much. I see it more as protecting my marriage. Perhaps as you are new to this, maybe it is a good idea, see how you get on. But, maybe in time and age (I have the radio on in the background, When I'm 64), perhaps the risk of developing more lessens. As an aside, did anyone write love-letters to their girl/boy-friends and then partners/spouses? (perhaps that should be a topic for a thread of its own)
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Post by chojo on Sept 16, 2015 18:23:31 GMT
So far I'm even with the same number of each gender, but that's only because 2 of male correspondence stopped writing to me because I don't like sport! To quote Peter from Ohio "What kind of man are you? How can you not like sports? Please DO NOT write me again" Good job I didn't mention I like baking! I've also had a few marriage proposals from ladies, mainly from Russia. My only stipulation as mentioned in another thread is that they are over 18. Apart from that I don't care if your male, female, or somewhere in between as long as you refrain from using bad language I'll write to anyone.
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Post by sgtstretch on Sept 16, 2015 19:29:44 GMT
Someone stopped writing to you because you didn't like sports and that meant you weren't man enough? Good riddance I say.
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Post by Mia on Sept 16, 2015 19:46:29 GMT
Do you like Chess? That's a sport?
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Post by bogon07 on Sept 16, 2015 22:56:59 GMT
Also no. No preference at all, but I like to have a balance. Ditto. I occasionally show or read out bits of letters to Mrs Bogon and sometimes she evens writes her own letter back.
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Post by DJW1066 on Sept 17, 2015 1:56:14 GMT
Many of my penpals, of both genders, routinely send best wishes for my wife (maybe it's a sympathy thing?) which I routinely pass along. There's clearly no hint of discomfort in my home with me corresponding with either gender. Then again, maybe that's yet another benefit of being a hexagenarian pen pal; there's no jealousy because there's no risk because I'm so far past my " best before date".
By the way, Mia, I don't believe they have brain surgeons on Vulcan; they use that mind-meld technique that obviates the need for actual scalpels. I also doubt they have boy bands there,
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