ieahleen
Crayons
Posts: 21
Looking for Penpals?: Yes. Global penpals welcome
Country I live in is: Italy
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Post by ieahleen on Mar 18, 2016 15:00:18 GMT
Today I've received a letter from someone that says to have found my info in the "T.F.L. pen-pal newsletter", classified "the connection corner" section, only I don't even know what this is!' Something like this have ever appened to someone else? What I should do?
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Post by Mia on Mar 18, 2016 16:13:49 GMT
Private message sent.
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Post by distractedmom on Mar 18, 2016 19:53:22 GMT
I just googled it. I don't know what to say. That has never happened to me, but I may think twice before posting my address publicly. I just hate to add that second step if anyone wants to send me a 5Q letter.
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bruce
Crayons
Posts: 32
Looking for Penpals?: Yes. Global penpals welcome
Country I live in is: Canada
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Post by bruce on Mar 18, 2016 22:27:18 GMT
Today I've received a letter from someone that says to have found my info in the "T.F.L. pen-pal newsletter", classified "the connection corner" section, only I don't even know what this is!' Something like this have ever appened to someone else? What I should do? can see how this can happen, there are a lot of things 'scraping' sites and databases for information that make them more useful. a simple let us know your info at any local shop, office or online purchase can result in this. I'd contact the site and ask them to remove it (or better yet, alter it to something completely innacurate). I'd also ask them how they obtained it. personally, the good security advice is to leave several trails of inaccurate information in many different places. you can see where it turns up, and only need to correct information with places you want to deal with.
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Post by radellaf on Mar 19, 2016 0:11:34 GMT
Unless you're trying to trace the flow I don't see how inaccurate address info helps. Inaccurate birthdates or "last 4", sure. Or throw-away email addresses. Unlike physical ones, those at least function until disabled. The postal equivalent would be a PO Box (in the US).
I'd either ask the site to remove the info, or just write back and make the error part of the story. The newsletter subscriber probably won't be thrilled with the service giving them an address of someone that isn't interested and a complaint coming from the customer could be added to yours.
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Post by mailartist on Mar 19, 2016 14:17:32 GMT
This sounds like a universal, if occasional, problem.
On another site this month, the blogger told folks how to remove their address from the public mail list, if desired. Apparently some have lately received unsolicited, unwanted mail. I don't know what that was (the post didn't specify), but I'm assuming that it was something other than ordinary correspondence, or exchanges of mail art.
I have had minimal problems over the years, but do occasionally get mail that straddles the line between correspondence and marketing. I take a dim view of "letters" that feel like: "Hey! look! at what! I sell!" So, business cards and promotional material, are not "letters" to me. Most of those get round-filed.
So whether one's address is reposted elsewhere, or misused once for commercial ends, I suppose what's critical is the quality of the contact. The person who wrote you may have no idea that the address was a pirated copy. This person was probably just writing a letter, and if it's a good letter, and you're up for another pen pal, then reply. Good friendships have started under weirder conditions (just ask some long-time married couples how they met for interesting stories in that regard).
I know the underlying ethos of snail mail is that one responds to whatever arrives, for as long as it arrives. Unsolicited mail is an interesting case because people don't always indicate where they found your contact information, so it can be impossible to tell whether a letter is "annoying" or "legit."
However, I don't think one has to respond to known unsolicited contacts. A simple postcard reply back, of course, thanking for the letter and explaining that one is not currently taking on new penpals because one doesn't want to neglect either one's current ones, the dog (who needs walking twice a day), and the floribunda bushes (or whatever). You may not even need to dwell on the fact that your address went viral. Just say that you're maxed out in penpals, and leave it at that.
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Post by annavalerious on Mar 21, 2016 6:54:26 GMT
It has happened to me. I got an anonymous postcard from Ukraine last year. And a few years ago, I got two or three letters from people who said they got my address from a Friendship Book (and I never, ever wrote my address on a Friendship Book).
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ieahleen
Crayons
Posts: 21
Looking for Penpals?: Yes. Global penpals welcome
Country I live in is: Italy
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Post by ieahleen on Mar 22, 2016 12:58:06 GMT
It might rest your mind a little to know that when people don't receive a response they usually stop writing - postage is not cheap and therefore it is costly to harass someone via 'snail mail' and many do not have any intention of harassing anyone in the first place but simply to start a correspondence. I've received 5 letters so far from TFL, three today and one yesterday. Some are freaking me out... And everyone in some way say "I have so much more to offer"...
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Post by mailartist on Mar 22, 2016 14:39:37 GMT
Leahleen, I would simply "offer" such persons the benefit of your trash can, giving it the same "respect" that one does junk mail (toss it), adverts in the newspaper (recycle it), spam phone calls (delete it), sales folks on the doorstep (say "No. Thanks"), and those emails that read something like "HELO, THERE! I AM RICH KWEEN! SOON TO DIE. WITH WILL, AND I THEEK YOU ARE MY NEFEW!"(which might be comical to continue reading, but which are probably best not even opening).
You're not in a position to know whether any of these folks are legit, as they are portraying themselves, or as fake as that generous KWEEN.
I wouldn't encourage the originator by sending anything back. In the future, open any unfamiliar letters near the trash can, and at the first feeling of creepiness, dump it without further thought or ado. You may want to note, in a general sense, the return address, so if future letters arrive, you can toss it directly, without even bringing it into the house.
I rather suspect that such "wife wanters" have probably tried that line on dozens of other addresses this month (and may even be married already, to boot), and that they are sad manipulators who are less looking for friendship or love than money, resources, or a fantasy. It's a line (or business, or scam), or even if someone is misguidedly read, mail order brides are not how courting and marriage is done.
I invoke something my mother always said: "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is." Pitch it, and move on.
In closing, count your blessings. Be grateful for the good apples in the pen pal barrel, rather than dwelling on the occasional rotten one. And yes, there will be bad ones occasionally, but don't give them greater influence over you than they'd like already.
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bruce
Crayons
Posts: 32
Looking for Penpals?: Yes. Global penpals welcome
Country I live in is: Canada
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Post by bruce on Mar 22, 2016 20:49:51 GMT
I've received 5 letters so far from TFL, three today and one yesterday. Some are freaking me out... And everyone in some way say "I have so much more to offer"... There is clearly an agenda here and it isn't the pleasure of genuine correspondence. I am inclined to agree with mailartist . You do not owe these people anything. I would happily feed such a letter to my shredder. (I never throw anything out with my name and address on without shredding it.) I understand that you might be feeling overwhelmed but I do not believe there is anything personal meant on their part. Quite the contrary, I would venture to say that they are not regarding you as a person but as an opportunity, along with several others who may also be frowning upon the same words. Shred and smile. :) I hope this unwanted interest will fizzle out eventually and likewise, that you are soon able to view it more as a minor annoyance and then perhaps, think of these kinds of letters as 'shreddies'. It is simply another form of junk mail and not worthy of your worry although I understand you would rather not have it and it's a shame this has happened to you. I tend to agree. I wish I could say that life is fair and only made up of sunshine and sweetness but am well aware that when $#&! hits the fan, it isn't always spread evenly. I'm really sorry this has happened to you. Shred them as junk mail and try and shake it off as water from a ducks back. It truly is unfortunate that this kind of thing happens and I'm sure it's fair to say that you have all our support in this. In a perfect world it shouldn't happen and it could have been any one of us. Glad to hear that your name is off the list and I trust they should soon stop arriving. Thanks for sharing with us and on my part would hope you and others would continue. I like to think of this forum as a place of support and encouragement and try to keep that forefront in my mind.
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Post by distractedmom on Mar 23, 2016 1:17:23 GMT
What Bruce and Serendipity and mailartist said! (Personally, I would have been tempted to respond, but I think their advice is much better!)
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ieahleen
Crayons
Posts: 21
Looking for Penpals?: Yes. Global penpals welcome
Country I live in is: Italy
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Post by ieahleen on Mar 23, 2016 22:58:14 GMT
After the first one arrived I was tempted to answer, but after the others that I found oddly similar I think I will not spend that much to answer unwanted attentions... I wrote to TFL and they answered me that my address will not appear anymore in their newsletter but they said "Please note that your information was provided to us as someone interested in receiving mail." I probably will have forever the doubt on how this happened, and I hope there will be no more letters...
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Post by mailartist on Mar 25, 2016 14:39:20 GMT
Ieahleen, I just connected this thread with what I knew about your before, and my guess is that you're address was pirated for two reasons: one, you're not old, and two, where you live (which I won't repeat here. You know where that is). Simply put, if you were a middle-aged man from Cleveland, Ohio, it's likely no other site would want your information. On the other hand, if you were, say, an 18-year-old woman from Fiji, your address will show up everywhere.
There's an erroneous assumption among folks in general (and casual snail mail people) that a letter from a unique, geographic locale will be better than one from down the block. But the quality of the letter depends more on the person writing it, and good writers, and bad writers, are everywhere. However, pen pal entities are under the gun, perhaps, to publish as many exotic addresses as possible. It establishes them as more "legit" of a penpal site, and generates user traffic.
I think you were the victim of your locale more than anything, but be vigilant going forward.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2016 18:27:31 GMT
There's probably some truth in here. (I knew, old age must have some advantages, sigh!) I noticed that many people have left their addresses in the "Seeking penpals" section. Even if it's not visible to non-members the barrier to get access to it is not too big. Therefore I'd suggest to replace the address by a "Please contact me via PM" note. Unless you're very old and ugly, of course...
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Post by mailartist on Mar 25, 2016 18:55:14 GMT
I noticed that many people have left their addresses in the "Seeking penpals" section. Even if it's not visible to non-members the barrier to get access to it is not too big. Therefore I'd suggest to replace the address by a "Please contact me via PM" note. Unless you're very old and ugly, of course... Yes, removing your address from your previous postings here is probably a good idea (there is an "edit" feature), although the wrong type of folks could still PM, too. It's simply an added step for them to screen an address, but (as kalliope said) it's still not that great a barrier. Your info could still end up places you don't want it. If you want penpals going forward, it might be better for you to be proactive. In other words, lurk around some sites, looking for folks who have been active penpals for a while (like, "the middle-aged guy in Cleveland"), and send THEM the first letter. You approach them. That's a way to screen out the voyeurs from the serious folks, and if you pick right, you won't have any problem getting good responses. And as for the 5Q5L board, you could respond to people's letters, and include your own five questions, indicating that you've had problems listing your address publicly, and so are doing so privately. Your February questions were very insightful, and I wanted to write, but the month ran out before I could. These are just my thoughts on the subject. Sincerely, "Very Old and Ugly"
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