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Post by ginny on Sept 4, 2021 10:36:31 GMT
I came across this and thought you might like to have a look:
I'm currently way behind with responding to letters due to things happening in my life, and my usual coping strategy (typing up a newsletter and adding it to notes / personal letters) won't work for me this time, so I've been thinking about how to tackle the situation. In that context, I came across this blog post / article  |
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Post by eefa on Sept 4, 2021 15:03:43 GMT
Do we ever need to "catch up"? Whilst alot of pen pals reply to me within a day or two of receiving my letters, there's may take 4 to 5 months and I'm equally content with either option. The whole experience of replying to a letter should be enjoyable and at a time when the writer feels like they want to write. I've discovered that some friends are just slow to reply 'cos they only write 1 or 2 letters a week (that's me!), others just have too much going on in their lives and others just aren't in the right mental space for whatever reason. Right now I have a letter open in front of me dated June 30th (today is Sept 4th) to which I am about to reply (hi rosesnbrambles  )... whilst I do usually include an apology if it's a big delay i replying I guess I also assume that the receiver isn't put out and appreciates that life is busy and writing letters should be a pleasure and not a chore. What is the point of my comment here? I'm actually not really sure! Thanks for the link though! |
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Post by ginny on Sept 4, 2021 16:16:19 GMT
eefa, that's a very good question... do we ever need to 'catch up'... Depends a bit on what you consider being caught up. When I say I'm way behind, that means I have letters sitting around that go back to 2020, and I feel that my penpals might want to know (and I do want them to know, I just don't want to go into much detail) what exactly has kept me from writing. It feels a bit pathetic to come up with a measly 'life got into the way' - at the same time that's exactly what happened, and due to the nature of what exactly got into the way, I'm not really in the mood to reiterate the circumstances over and over... yet I feel that I should come up with an explanation. I think I have sorted out by now how I want to deal with this, but I really had to put my thinking cap on
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Post by InsomniaQueen on Sept 4, 2021 17:53:46 GMT
Do we ever need to "catch up"? Whilst alot of pen pals reply to me within a day or two of receiving my letters, there's may take 4 to 5 months and I'm equally content with either option. The whole experience of replying to a letter should be enjoyable and at a time when the writer feels like they want to write. I've discovered that some friends are just slow to reply 'cos they only write 1 or 2 letters a week (that's me!), others just have too much going on in their lives and others just aren't in the right mental space for whatever reason. Right now I have a letter open in front of me dated June 30th (today is Sept 4th) to which I am about to reply (hi rosesnbrambles )... whilst I do usually include an apology if it's a big delay i replying I guess I also assume that the receiver isn't put out and appreciates that life is busy and writing letters should be a pleasure and not a chore. What is the point of my comment here? I'm actually not really sure! Thanks for the link though! This comment addresses ginny too. I'm generally a "fast responder," but that doesn't mean I judge others who aren't. "Life happened" is a perfectly acceptable explanation. I don't think anyone is owed any details except for those that the letter writer wishes to share. My opinion is that letter writing is meant to be fun and relaxing. If the letter writer feels guilty or pressured at all, I think he or she is "doing it wrong." I've had pen pals who were demanding about what they wanted me to write about, when or how often I should write, how the letters should be presented (handwritten only), etc. Those people aren't for me, and to be honest, I question their motives in corresponding. It would be selfish for anyone to demand how quickly they receive a response, what that response contains, or other constraints since correspondence is a relationship with another person requiring compromise. So, yes. It should be a pleasure and not a chore. |
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Post by stompie on Sept 5, 2021 6:46:47 GMT
Thanks for the link, which led to other links which led to other.................................. Google rabbit hole!  eefa, wrote good comments which I mostly agree with but, there are times I get a letter in and I think, "If only they had commented on XYZ that I had mentioned" Even at this age I still like to hear and learn from the experiences and wisdom from those who have lived far longer than I. |
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Post by eefa on Sept 5, 2021 8:10:40 GMT
stompie when I'm replying to a letter I do normally try to address any questions that I was asked... and to add in a few of my own to keep it going as a 2 way conversation. I accept though that it is sometimes just the case that people miss a question, not in the reading of my letter but just in their reply. ginny, I fully understanding your point and the act that you want people to know that you're not actually ignoring them. I'm glad that you've come up with a plan though
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Post by ginny on Sept 5, 2021 15:03:50 GMT
eefa, I'm usually not put out when someone takes a while to write back, but there are people who cannot understand that sometimes favourite pastimes have to take a backseat when life happens. The past 12 years have come up with some challenges for me, and I've lost some people along the way as they found it inacceptable that I hardly communicated for extended periods of time. InsomniaQueen, it's good to know that you are so tolerant I see it the same way, but I also understand that people want to know what's happening and hear about the reasons that have kept their penfriend from writing. So, I usually try to explain (not justify) my situation when I cannot write back in a timely manner. Sometimes, it's complex, and that can be very discouraging. When you have to write 4 pages just to describe a situation you are exhausted by looking at the remaining letters you'd like to answer Like you, I have met people who come up with demands / rules, and I'm not keen on contacts like that at all. I can see why people who have made bad experiences with others will try to avoid that sort of thing in the future, like... say, someone who has received typed 'form letters' (= generic letters that chronicle someone's life, without real personal touch, except for the first paragraph or so - basically copy/paste letters) from a penpal will ask people to write in long hand because they think this is the only way they can make sure someone writes personally to them. But at the end of the day there's no guarantee that you will get on with someone, is there
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Post by InsomniaQueen on Sept 5, 2021 17:54:36 GMT
But at the end of the day there's no guarantee that you will get on with someone, is there Exactly so. Funny thing is the most demanding (don't write about this, only write about that, etc.) pen pals I had was a form letter offender. |
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Post by distractedmom on Sept 6, 2021 2:10:35 GMT
eefa , that's a very good question... do we ever need to 'catch up'... Depends a bit on what you consider being caught up. When I say I'm way behind, that means I have letters sitting around that go back to 2020, and I feel that my penpals might want to know (and I do want them to know, I just don't want to go into much detail) what exactly has kept me from writing. It feels a bit pathetic to come up with a measly 'life got into the way' - at the same time that's exactly what happened, and due to the nature of what exactly got into the way, I'm not really in the mood to reiterate the circumstances over and over... yet I feel that I should come up with an explanation. I think I have sorted out by now how I want to deal with this, but I really had to put my thinking cap on I had some big old issues earlier this year and totally lost my desire to write. I had debated typing up a quick form letter to stick in the envelope with a handwritten letter to save me time in explaining the same thing over and over. But then I found that it was therapeutic to write about it, and that, since I have different relationships with each of my penpals, I told the story a bit differently each time. As the young kids say here in the Midwest, “You do you, Boo.” |
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Post by ginny on Sept 6, 2021 10:47:19 GMT
distractedmom, I know what you mean about finding it therapeutic to write about things. And of course you describe your situation differently, depending on who you talk / write to. I suppose a lot depends on what the issues in question are and how they affect you. When my parents passed away in 2011 and 2016 respectively, I found it impossible to tell people individually in my letters because I re-lived the scenario each time I wrote about it. I just did not have the energy for that.
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)... whilst I do usually include an apology if it's a big delay i replying I guess I also assume that the receiver isn't put out and appreciates that life is busy and writing letters should be a pleasure and not a chore.
