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Post by distractedmom on Jan 29, 2020 15:16:18 GMT
How do you know when a letter is lost? Do you send an email? I, too, wonder if all the surprise mail that I send and that goes unacknowledged is lost... But I don't think so, as a rule, because with all my long-time penfriends I never experienced a lost letter (except maybe once) either within Italy and internationally. If I can, I contact the person online (Instagram, FB or on here.) If I don't have a way of contacting them, I will send a postcard or short note just to check in and see if they got my letter.
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Post by ginny on Jan 29, 2020 15:46:03 GMT
In general, mail to places like India, Russia, African countries or Latin / Central American countries takes a while, but if it hasn't arrived after a month, I consider it lost. I have heard several stories about letters taking months to reach their destination to/from Asian or African countries and once one of my letters to Germany took three months (so my pal said!) so I tend to be optimistic and wait š*********************** My point is that I don't want to waste any more time. It usually takes me a while to get back to people, anyway - sometimes it's 3 months before I get round to responding to a letter, depending on what's going on in my life. If I gave my letters an additional three months to reach their destination, plus I'd give my penpals time for replying, 9-12 months would be over before we heard from each other again!
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Post by hoyabella on Jan 29, 2020 19:39:12 GMT
If I can, I contact the person online (Instagram, FB or on here.)Ā If I don't have a way of contacting them, I will send a postcard or short note just to check in and see if they got my letter. Yes, I did that a few times. But only if I really wanted to continue the correspondence. I admit that, when I felt we did not click, I did not make the effort...
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Post by radellaf on Jan 31, 2020 3:10:22 GMT
Usually, I'll send an e-mail if I don't hear from people in a while. I don't think I have the email of _any_ of my penpals. Would be helpful for that. I can usually dig them up on a forum (FPN, FPG, or here) but if they're not still checking messages on there then I'd be outta luck.
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Post by vertolive on Feb 13, 2020 4:56:12 GMT
Yet another āYou Never Knowā: The most prolific letter writer Iād ever met suddenly stopped writing everybody without a word. I later heard from another pen pal that theyād met at a pen show and the explanation was that he simply needed a break. A year or so later I recently received a letter from the writer whoād dropped out asking if Iād like to start corresponding again.
The thing for me is that even a very long absence seems like a mere moment in āLetter Timeā and the conversation takes up where weād left off.
It reminds me of some Asian-wisdom-y quote Iād read: āFriends come and go with no blame.ā
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Post by ginny on Feb 13, 2020 8:44:05 GMT
The thing for me is that even a very long absence seems like a mere moment in āLetter Timeā and the conversation takes up where weād left off. It reminds me of some Asian-wisdom-y quote Iād read: āFriends come and go with no blame.ā That's a great quote. Thank you. I find that with some people it takes no effort to reconnect, but with others it's a bit 'difficult'.
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Post by motsamicaux on Feb 13, 2020 18:49:23 GMT
...The thing for me is that even a very long absence seems like a mere moment in āLetter Timeā and the conversation takes up where weād left off.... A couple of times I've received letters from a 'long-lost' pen pal and I think "Who the heck is this from?!" Then I have to search my records for that person and go back and read our last couple of letters. After that, yes, the conversation takes up. But, for me, absences longer than, oh, something like six months, seem to make me have to get to know the person all over again. There is something intriguingly... time-warpy about it though.
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Post by ginny on Feb 13, 2020 21:42:10 GMT
...The thing for me is that even a very long absence seems like a mere moment in āLetter Timeā and the conversation takes up where weād left off.... A couple of times I've received letters from a 'long-lost' pen pal and I think "Who the heck is this from?!" Then I have to search my records for that person and go back and read our last couple of letters. After that, yes, the conversation takes up. But, for me, absences longer than, oh, something like six months, seem to make me have to get to know the person all over again. There is something intriguingly... time-warpy about it though.*****
It definitely depends on how long I've known someone. My longest-standing penpal relationship has lasted 41 years now, and in some years, we only exchanged one letter. Needless to say, I don't need to get to know this person all over again after an 'absence' of a year or so. It would be different with someone I've just known for a year, obviously.
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Post by jamberrychoux on Feb 14, 2020 1:21:08 GMT
A couple of times I've received letters from a 'long-lost' pen pal and I think "Who the heck is this from?!" Then I have to search my records for that person and go back and read our last couple of letters. After that, yes, the conversation takes up. But, for me, absences longer than, oh, something like six months, seem to make me have to get to know the person all over again. There is something intriguingly... time-warpy about it though. I have some penpals who write only once every year or every two years, and it was like that from the very beginning. Because our communications are so very infrequent, I have never felt like I really know them at all. When their letters arrive, I honestly have to rack my brain to even remember who they are.
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Post by motsamicaux on Feb 14, 2020 2:20:17 GMT
...My longest-standing penpal relationship has lasted 41 years now....
That's amazing! It would be neat to read through those letters over all that time. I hope that you're able to keep it going for many more years!
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Post by ginny on Feb 14, 2020 11:36:18 GMT
...My longest-standing penpal relationship has lasted 41 years now....
That's amazing! It would be neat to read through those letters over all that time. I hope that you're able to keep it going for many more years!****Thank you. We don't have the intention to stop writing any time soon :-) Apart from this friendship, I have quite a few penpals whom I've known for 25-35 years, and even if we don't always write frequently, there's a general feeling of mutual understanding that makes it easy to pick up where we left it after a gap in communication. As I said, with new-ish penpals it's a different thing, but again, I respect each person's writing rhythm. I'm not a prompt writer usually, so I understand when people take their time. Also, it makes a difference whether or not I have met someone personally over the years of writing - personal encounters add another dimension to the communication and make it easier to get back into talking, too.
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Post by hoyabella on Feb 14, 2020 18:33:53 GMT
there's a general feeling of mutual understanding that makes it easy to pick up where we left it after a gap in communication. As I said, with new-ish penpals it's a different thing Yes. I think it's the same in real life: when I meet old friends after years it's like we'd last met yesterday; on the other hand with new acquaintances a long period of distance may prevent a friendship to grow altogether. However, it's not like this in all cases, I think.
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Post by vintagerose on May 25, 2020 22:20:25 GMT
Some of the excuses I have had include. 1. They couldn't write anymore due to money issues but yet funny enough had a new advert up some weeks later and even answered a new advert I had up not that long after with facts that were the opposite of what they had told me when we were writing. For example they had a great relationship with a sibling.
2.They expected a letter within two weeks.
3. We didn't get on when we met or rather we were too different.
4. They didn't have time to write letters anymore as they were too busy socializing (this was a long term penfriendship).
5. My letter wasn't long enough. Apparently they normally write 6+ pages for an introduction letter.
. 6. They thought I was talking about them because I mentioned that an individual asked me to say hi. The individual had seen I was friends with them on interpals.
Oh and dont get me started on how many old penfriends have quit writing letters to me only for them to answer my advert for penfriends. Only the other day I had two.
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Post by radellaf on May 26, 2020 4:04:29 GMT
Here's another possibility for not writing: someone writes you a letter with no return address on the envelope, and you only have the envelope (and teabag) but seem to have mislaid the letter. I may find it, might have left it at work... if not, won't even be able to apologize.
I have one other person who also leaves off an address, but has a rather distinct style and has become a regular, so I recognize those.
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Post by hoyabella on May 26, 2020 14:55:29 GMT
Some of the excuses I have had include. 1. They couldn't write anymore due to money issues but yet funny enough had a new advert up some weeks later and even answered a new advert I had up not that long after with facts that were the opposite of what they had told me when we were writing. For example they had a great relationship with a sibling. Oh and dont get me started on how many old penfriends have quit writing letters to me only for them to answer my advert for penfriends. Only the other day I had two. I am sorry that you correspondence ended but #1 made me laugh! And it reminds me that Mark Twain wrote that telling the truth is easier because one doesn't need to remember anything... About your last paragraph, so weird! I assume that your name is not included in in your ad. In other news, welcome to the forum š
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