The first letter

[Mia]

What makes a great first letter that compels you to reply (more than just a thank you) and want to continue the correspondence?

I ask this, because I've received from previous InCoWriMo and other places, exceptionally boring first letters I found it difficult to respond to. Also, I find out some people write the same thing (almost a complete copy) to each person they send a first letter to (subsequent letters, this is referred to as form letters, but I'd like to call these as newsletters - the type you may receive annually for Christmas with summaries of what the family got up and little Joey passed his violin exam...... ) no matter who they send to. I haven't read these boring letters recently so cannot confirm they are of the "form letter" / "newsletter" type but I suspect they could be.

The February projects are great for reaching out, for finding people to write that first letter to.

First / intro letters may be hard to write so perhaps some find it easy to just write about themselves only..

[katiel]

I kind of like it when people write a lot about themselves in the first letter, so I can feel like I'm really starting to get to know them. But I've found what really makes me enjoy a first letter is when they tell me a good story. Either something neat that happened to them, or that they experienced, or a funny story. The stories that stands out most in my mind was a girl from InCo who told me about rock climbing in a canyon near her home and being surprised to round a corner and discover herself being watched by many owls tucked in every little hole in the rock face, she wrote it really well, too, so you felt like you were there with her. Also, a member here told me a story about her cat bouncing off the screen door at full speed (also very well written) which really had me laughing. It really helps you feel more connected to the writer.

I also like it when they ask questions. Obviously, I *could* just write my reactions to what they wrote, but it's nice to know what they'd like to hear about, and makes me kind of feel like they are curious about me too, and not just talking about how awesome they are.

I did get what I suspect were two "form letter" first letters as InCo surprises. They were very short and dry. Basically just who they were, what their job was, and a sentence about their fountain pen and ink. Literally, I think their whole letters were 5 and 8 sentences long. Those were a little less exciting to reply to (but still fun to get in the mailbox!). But in their defense, they did have cool ink. Which I find I'm enjoying, even though I don't know much about fountain pens.

[tramplingrose]

I feel like I did basically a "form" letter for all the ones I sent out - I kind of expanded on what I'd written for my mini-bio on the one InCoWriMo website, but if the person I was writing to had included something about themselves (or in a couple cases, lived in places I'd visited), I asked about that, or gave that as one of my reasons for writing to them in the first place. For those of you who've participated in years past, how do you send a letter to a stranger that's not a form letter or really boring, but still introduces yourself and makes the recipient want to reply?

[sails]

My regular pen pals will already know this, but three InCos in a row burnt me out a bit. However, I don't really write to 'strangers.' The hobby forum I also belong to has a section for people seeking pen pals, and given that this is a mutual hobby, we already have something to talk about. (And I could really go overboard with this topic, lol). Sometimes we discover other mutual interests, like horse racing. Then it's hard to shut me up.

[Pukka-J]

I received a first letter yesterday that was quite unlike any I have received before. It was not to long but very eloquently described the lack of inspiration to write anything! That in itself already told me something about that person (you know who you are 😏) and it really cracked me up 😀
Very funny and original indeed.

Me, I'm more traditional in my approach I'm afraid, though I did correct my primary impulse to try and fit everything about myself in that one first letter as if there would't be any correspondence afterwards. I don't make that mistake anymore, as I've experienced myself that that can be very overwhelming for a first letter. I still do mini cv's I suppose, but I also try to write about current events, whatever plans I have for the near future and whatnot.

[Mia]

I think I used to write the "all about me" intro letters. The:

My name is... I live ... but come from ... My family consists of... Hobbies are ......

Looking back, they didn't all yield a reply (not even, a "thank for your letter, but I don't think we'd click.." either by snailmail or through the penpal website we started on). I think they were a little bored. I was writing to people who had in their profile many interests in common.

Then, I turned to different websites. One is called Postcrossing - primarily for sending postcards, but their forum has other postal fun. There are threads requesting penpals - that has worked with a few of my pals. However, there was also something different called a Round Robin (not the Christmas newsletter round robin)- a group thing. The groups may be small, common to have 4 in a group and you would send a letter (if it was the Penpal RR), or a postcard (many many postcard RRs) to each of the people in that group. You can, if they've got one, look up on their profile (forum and/or main site). That has also led to at least one successful correspondence (since 2009, and actually, that particular one, on first glance of profile, I didn't think it would be so successful)

Writing to total strangers could be easy - you have a name and address to start with.

1) Does the name mean anything to you? Is there are story to be told? Perhaps your grandmother shares the same first name.

2) If the address is to a PO Box, maybe there is a story you have with the number. A bus route? Can the number look like a time - a train time?

3) If the address is to a street - so perhaps again there is a story about the avenue, the square... or even about the name of the avenue or square - geographical features - can you actually see the ocean from Ocean View Drive, and are there any fruit trees in Orchard Whatever?

4) The town or city - Las Vegas - is it really like that pictured on CSI? Or you've wanted to go there, or you've visited. There is not just one Boston or London or Newport or in the world.... Also with an atlas (or the internet) you can look up the area. No point asking, "Do you go to the seaside weekly?" to a person who lives in the middle of the US (maybe Kansas, Nebraska...) So even the potential questions shouldn't be the same. Would you want to go to that area?

5) What sort of things would you write about in subsequent letters? Perhaps a day or two before writing the first letter, you went to the cinema to see a film, or climbed a mountain, went to tap-dancing class. You may be writing about bits of your day/week in subsequent letters, so why not start in the first letter too? Pretend you are friends already (friends until proved otherwise).

6) The weather! The old fail-safe of even 3D conversation! (well, in the UK, at least). Today, for example, there were many clouds in the sky and it rained.

These make stories. Stories, and maybe humour too, can bring the letter alive...

Penfriends are real friends / real people you know. When you first meet a new colleague at work, or in a new class (dancing, or school/college), you don't say exactly the same things (although you might start the same with a name) on your first meeting.

[stormymorning]

I love to receive a letter with some info about the sender - I think I don't even mind mini-cv's as long as they don't feel 'copied' over and over. Especially hobbies and interests (or a few!) are nice to know, because they can start a conversation. A fun story and questions are always appreciated too.

I kind of wrote what I like to receive - some basics about me, some hobbies and then a story/ recent activity and one or two questions I guess.

More letters than I wished were very superficial and told me next to nothing about the sender, which doesn't motivate me to write back really...

[mailartist]

I know there are differing opinions about the "question, no question" approach in letters. If a question happens to appear in my "thought stream," then I'll put in in the letter. Otherwise, I feel like an invasive therapist, or boorish pollster (i.e., awkward) adding unrelated questions to a letter. They feel "too after-thought-ish."

I generally indicate where I got the person's address, why I decided to write them (as opposed to, say, cleaning out the garage), and possibly something about my recent week. It's whatever comes to mind, really.

I would be interested in where people were writing the letter, more so than just the weather. At the kitchen table, while the peanut butter cookies are baking? On the living room sofa, while the spouse is watching the news and the dog is intently staring at the writer, telepathing "I need a treat, I need a treat."? On the sunny deck, with the chirruping of new baby robins in the nest overhead? Something that puts me "in the writer's experience," and conveys some sense of enthusiasm and engagement with the world and life.

The most bland letters (and thus the hardest to respond to) are those that are too telegraphic ("Happy InCoWriMo!" comes to mind), or else are so fountain-pen related that they feel more like a junk-mail marketing flyer: "Hi: this pen, that ink, anticipating such-and-so pen show, checking out so-and-such paper." Such aren't a conversation starter for me, since where does one go with that, except to respond with one's personal list of epistolary supplies?

It is always helpful to know at least something about the person. The InCo websites that only showed only addresses (nothing else) didn't interest me at all.

[jamberrychoux]

mailartist said: " and conveys some sense of enthusiasm and engagement with the world and life.

Yes, this aspect is very important to me! I feel that many people who write to me have no enthusiasm for life and are incredibly disengaged from world and life. I can't exactly explain it, other than that is the gut feeling that I get about them.

When they write back to me, they only comment literally item by item and paragraph by paragraph about whatever I wrote about it in my last letter, but yet don't reveal more about themselves in the process. They do not answer any of the questions I asked to try to start a more two-way conversation, and they generally choose not to share or reveal anything personal about themselves. The letters to me are almost exact parroted copies of what I sent because they don't introduce any new topics for me whatsoever to comment on.

I often get the sense that these people want their penpals to be their only source of life entertainment, yet they don't offer anything in return to engage me with what is going on in their lives. The conversations are so lop-sided, I usually end up not writing back after a few letters like this because I just feel that there is absolutely no connection there whatsoever.

[finnwillo]

I love finding a first letter that displays a bit of humor, or maybe a sense of amusement at the absurdities of life, or maybe an interest in digging into ideas, cultural attitudes, or sharing personal reflections. Some of those things take a bit of time to build up to though. I don't particularly mind if someone sends me a first letter with their vital statistics and a list of interests. There's always something there to comment on to try and get things rolling. Even if we are writing about mundane things, I would eventually hope we could be sharing some kind of personal perceptions rather than simply a recitation of events.

First letters can be kind of awkward, especially with something like InCoWriMo where you don't know anything about the person besides their name and address. As long as the person seems to be friendly and sincere, I usually write back and give it a go. If time marches on and the other person doesn't really engage, then I might call it quits, because I want to feel like it's a reciprocal relationship, not just an exchanging of postal matter. I did have a pen pal once who sent what seemed to be form letters describing her shopping trips, and seldom commented on anything I'd written. Not only was the form letter thing rather tiresome, I'm 53 years old and still wear sweaters I've had since college, and I get rather miffed if my jeans fall apart before I get sick of wearing them, so the shopping chat wasn't really inspiring me. Maybe she was the perfect pal for someone else, but not for me.

Some pen friend relationships run their course rather quickly, but it's always fun to find those folks whose letters you want to immediately tear into and then are thinking all week about what to write in response, so I am usually willing to give it try and see how the correspondence works out.

[Deleted]

Mar 5, 2017 0:57:58 GMT jamberrychoux said:

When they write back to me, they only comment literally item by item and paragraph by paragraph about whatever I wrote about it in my last letter, but yet don't reveal more about themselves in the process. They do not answer any of the questions I asked to try to start a more two-way conversation, and they generally choose not to share or reveal anything personal about themselves. The letters to me are almost exact parroted copies of what I sent because they don't introduce any new topics for me whatsoever to comment on.

I couldn't have expressed that in a better way. This is something that frustrates me and makes me stop writing after three or four letters (I always give it a try first). It's probably the most important reason why I would stop writing.

This topic is really interesting. I have the impression that many people here in the forum share the same views - and frustrations. I appreciate diversity, but in this case it's great to have a community of such like-minded people.

[Deleted]

Mar 4, 2017 19:18:17 GMT Mia said:

However, there was also something different called a Round Robin (not the Christmas newsletter round robin)- a group thing. The groups may be small, common to have 4 in a group and you would send a letter (if it was the Penpal RR), or a postcard (many many postcard RRs) to each of the people in that group.

I've always been wondering how these Round Robins work. I've never participated in one. Thanks for explaining!

[distractedmom]

I love a letter that has personality. It's fun when a pen pal gets passionate about a topic. Even if it's something that I am clueless about, I can feel that energy and enthusiasm. I feel like a letter is a gift...it's a gift of time and energy, and of one's self, if the writer is willing to give a little insight into what drives them. I'm very stream-of-consciousness when I write and sometimes I wonder how people feel about my ramblings. But, I am being true to myself, and I feel good about that.

[blessed]

First letters can be difficult. I usually introduce myself briefly, trying to refer to something that my potential new pen pal and I have in common or something they enjoy doing that I find interesting. I guess some of my InCoWriMo letters could be considered form letters by some but I don't view them that way. I mean when I introduce myself in person I also tend to say more or less the same things about myself because, well, my name and age and place of residence etc. are what they are. Like I said, I will make reference to something specific to the person I am writing to and I usually ask questions too. Also, I tend to not give too many personal details in a first letter, just like I wouldn't in a first conversation. So it's a gradual process of getting to know one another.

[PenPal]

Although I am quite new to letter writing there are a couple of things that I have come to notice with first letters. The biggest one for me is that I enjoy it when the correspondent includes little tidbits of their life throughout the letter rather than just plopping it all in the first paragraph. I find it has made the letter more interesting and it makes me feel like it is a more natural conversation. I find it more enjoyable to pick out those pieces that are offhandedly mentioned rather than listed. It is obviously important to include personal details but I find it more interesting to include them in a more subtle way than just a list. It keeps me engaged with the whole letter as I'm actively looking for those details.