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Post by sails on Apr 11, 2017 20:48:56 GMT
(Seriously: I even went to searching online to see if there was an obituary in the town for this letter-writer. I was so certain that if I wasn't getting letters anymore, it was because something tragic had happened.) I did the same thing. And that's when I discovered my mistake. I had a pen pal with a gender-neutral name and had assumed the wrong gender...I'm horrified and wish I had scanned the letters so I'd know how badly I put my foot in my mouth. That wouldn't bother me. Just don't say my pen makes me look fat.
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Post by stormymorning on Apr 12, 2017 18:12:44 GMT
It wouldn't bother me either, if someone assumed I was male! In fact, I would smile about the mistake and wonder in what crazy country Lianne is a man's name I'm trying to improve my keeping track of the letters I send and ask some time later if he/she really did receive my letter. Before, I kept forgetting to log, so I might have lost some early penpals because my letter had never been received. Now it bothers me thinking about that, so I try to keep track better for present and future penpals
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Post by tigercub on Feb 15, 2018 22:51:05 GMT
Hi, hope everyone is fine and well today. Lol had one stop writing because she sent me a "New Penpals List" including her boyfriend's address (without telling me he was her boyfriend) and then went nuts at me for being penpals with him (which I wasn't anyway as he didn't write back). My other penpal ended our friendship because a psychic told him he would meet a girl in a beanie hat while hiking and sent me a great long list of all the hiking clubs he's joined because of it.
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Post by schnacks on Feb 16, 2018 23:45:48 GMT
Hi, hope everyone is fine and well today. Lol had one stop writing because she sent me a "New Penpals List" including her boyfriend's address (without telling me he was her boyfriend) and then went nuts at me for being penpals with him (which I wasn't anyway as he didn't write back). My other penpal ended our friendship because a psychic told him he would meet a girl in a beanie hat while hiking and sent me a great long list of all the hiking clubs he's joined because of it. Lol! Amazing.
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Post by katiel on Feb 17, 2018 13:44:07 GMT
Hi, hope everyone is fine and well today. Lol had one stop writing because she sent me a "New Penpals List" including her boyfriend's address (without telling me he was her boyfriend) and then went nuts at me for being penpals with him (which I wasn't anyway as he didn't write back). My other penpal ended our friendship because a psychic told him he would meet a girl in a beanie hat while hiking and sent me a great long list of all the hiking clubs he's joined because of it. This post makes me giggle every time I see it as I’m scrolling past (specifically, the hiking club guy), so thanks for sharing. Kind of makes you wonder if he ever did find his elusive beanie girl (and how long would it take until he stumbled upon one randomly). But that’s too bad he gave up writing to you for someone, as yet, non-existent. At least you have a good story about it though.
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atransientlife
Crayons
Posts: 16
Looking for Penpals?: Yes. Global penpals welcome
Country I live in is: USA
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Post by atransientlife on Mar 30, 2018 23:13:25 GMT
My very first penpal stopped writing when I was reluctant to meet in person. We lived close enough to each other and I wouldn't have mind it at a later date, but it was too soon for me.
I stopped writing to a pastor after he complained about minority women temping men in his congregation. As a minority, I took offence to his on going comments and just stopped writing.
Ah well!
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Post by jamberrychoux on Mar 31, 2018 4:45:21 GMT
Let me think: 1. One person wrote me and said that she was sorry, but didn't think we had anything in common. I was glad in a way because I didn't feel a connection there at all either, but I was just writing out of obligation. 2. One person wrote a long letter that she sent to all of her penpals saying her life was an absolute mess and derailment, and she needed to seriously focus on getting her life back on track. She asked us not to send a reply to her letter. 3. Another penpal wrote that she was having a hard time dealing with my pregnancies because she had had multiple miscarriages, and it was making her feel sad to hear about my pregnancies. 4. Another penpal relationship mutually "evaporated". She was originally from New York and she came off as a very lively person in her letters. She was visiting California and wanted to get together to meet. I agreed to meet up for coffee, and expected us to have a lively conversation, but that didn't happen. She was totally different in person, and literally had nothing to say. It was very awkward.
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Post by vertolive on Jan 26, 2020 15:50:35 GMT
Twice in the past 4 years our family has gone through upheavals which included a long-distance move. Each time I’d tell all my pen pals that this would be my last missive for a while and that I’d send a new address postcard once we were settled if they cared to keep corresponding.
This has worked fairly well, but a few seem to have dropped through the cracks (or taken the opportunity to move on). One person just this week reconnected and sent me three letters she’d had returned to her plus an update. I had thought she’d just dropped out, you just never know.
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Post by distractedmom on Jan 28, 2020 15:00:14 GMT
I keep hoping for this "you just never know." In the last six months or so, I have found that I've had several letters go MIA. Now I wonder how many of my dropped correspondences are because of dead letters and not because I can be too much, and how many people are STILL waiting on a letter from me. I had a long-term pen pal stop responding in 2019. I sent a "hope my last letter didn't get lost, just wanted to check on you" letter. Nothing in response. Sent a Christmas Card. Nothing. At this point in time, I just let it go because I don't want to be a stalker. Hopefully, someday I'll get a big surprise.
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Post by ginny on Jan 28, 2020 15:39:23 GMT
People stop writing for all sorts of reasons. Usually it's got more to do with themselves than with their penpals - oftentimes, it's a general feeling of being overwhelmed, or something is going on in their lives that makes it hard for them to communicate. Personally, I've found it hard to write letters after my parents passed away (in 2011 and 2016), and it took me a long time to find my way back into correspondence.
Some of my penpals stopped writing or took a break (with or without letting everyone know) because of health issues, family problems, divorce, fertility problems, grief after family members / friends had passed away, financial issues, anxiety / depression / fatigue - you name it. Life happens. And yes, sometimes, death happens: I've had a few penpals passing away. With some, I knew that they were seriously ill, but with others, it came as a complete shock & surprise.
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Post by radellaf on Jan 28, 2020 21:28:02 GMT
I've had one "wow it's been a long time since I heard from you" postcard, pretty well deserved as it was from one of my oldest pals and it had been nearly a year. I've sent half a dozen "I know I haven't written but I am still alive" cards, usually over InCoWriMo to pals of long letters who deserve a real reply, but who take a long time to reply to since I want to write a good one. I've had one pal say this was going to be his last letter, I forget why or if it was to just me or all pals. Replied with 'thanks for all the letters" and felt good about it. Had a few InCoWriMo people just not reply, including one guy from Czech Republic who maybe didn't like all the stamps I was sending. Though, with anything international, I figure the chance of a dead letter are much higher than domestic. If one of my real regular longer-letter people wasn't heard from for a year, year and a half, I'd probably realize that and write something, but I haven't formally kept track of it or had it happen. Problem with year or more gaps is that address changes are a lot more likely.
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Post by distractedmom on Jan 29, 2020 3:22:12 GMT
People stop writing for all sorts of reasons. Usually it's got more to do with themselves than with their penpals - oftentimes, it's a general feeling of being overwhelmed, or something is going on in their lives that makes it hard for them to communicate. Personally, I've found it hard to write letters after my parents passed away (in 2011 and 2016), and it took me a long time to find my way back into correspondence. Some of my penpals stopped writing or took a break (with or without letting everyone know) because of health issues, family problems, divorce, fertility problems, grief after family members / friends had passed away, financial issues, anxiety / depression / fatigue - you name it. Life happens. And yes, sometimes, death happens: I've had a few penpals passing away. With some, I knew that they were seriously ill, but with others, it came as a complete shock & surprise. This is why I don't want to keep pestering them. I want them to know that I am still here and care, but don't want to cause any guilty feelings. I am trying to strike a balance. When my son was a senior, there was a period of 2-3 months when I just put my supplies aside because there was too much going on in my life. I am grateful for the penpals who understood that chaos. I am heading there again as my daughter is a senior.
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Post by hoyabella on Jan 29, 2020 7:44:15 GMT
I have found that I've had several letters go MIA. How do you know when a letter is lost? Do you send an email? I, too, wonder if all the surprise mail that I send and that goes unacknowledged is lost... But I don't think so, as a rule, because with all my long-time penfriends I never experienced a lost letter (except maybe once) either within Italy and internationally.
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Post by ginny on Jan 29, 2020 8:53:23 GMT
I have found that I've had several letters go MIA. How do you know when a letter is lost? Do you send an email? I, too, wonder if all the surprise mail that I send and that goes unacknowledged is lost... But I don't think so, as a rule, because with all my long-time penfriends I never experienced a lost letter (except maybe once) either within Italy and internationally. You are lucky then if none of your letters got lost so far.
Usually, I'll send an e-mail if I don't hear from people in a while. 'A while' can mean anything from 3 - 6 months - depending on people's writing rhythm. And over a period of over 40 years of penpalling, I have had several letters getting lost - the last example was a letter from Luxembourg, my neighbour country - it was posted a week before Christmas and still hasn't arrived. In my experience, a lot of mail gets lost or delayed around Christmas which is why I have stopped sending 'real' letters around that time of the year and focus on greeting cards only. If they are lost, it's bad enough, but at least not so much time has gone into writing them as into writing a long letter.
In general, mail to places like India, Russia, African countries or Latin / Central American countries takes a while, but if it hasn't arrived after a month, I consider it lost.
I know it takes away the surprise, but I usually inform my penpals when I post a letter or I ask them in my letter to let me know when it arrives. If I don't get any feedback after a while, I'll ask again. I do not consider that 'pestering' or 'stalking' as I will not ask anymore after that.
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Post by hoyabella on Jan 29, 2020 9:12:06 GMT
This is why I don't want to keep pestering them. I also don't want to pester anyone... A couple of weeks ago I sent a postcard to a friend to whom I last wrote in late 2018 and from whom I never heard back. She is not a prompt writer but in the past she sent occasional postcards to let me know how that she thought about me; also she is minimally active at Send Something (in the least she has logged in in the last three months, I know because the system lets know if the user is inactive) then I began to think that maybe she simply doesn't want to continue writing *to me*. I was so hesitant when I sent the postcard and I had to pick words carefully so that I would not seem "pushy". In general, mail to places like India, Russia, African countries or Latin / Central American countries takes a while, but if it hasn't arrived after a month, I consider it lost. I have heard several stories about letters taking months to reach their destination to/from Asian or African countries and once one of my letters to Germany took three months (so my pal said!) so I tend to be optimistic and wait 😊
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