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Post by ginny on Feb 5, 2022 12:47:30 GMT
InsomniaQueen , that's a good point about boundaries and respect! My father used to say that if parents do their job the way they should, they make themselves redundant eventually. That didn't stop him from being 'fault-finding' and critical, but he tried hard not to be interfering, and as a result, sometimes his behaviour was on the verge of being rude and disinterested. Regarding penpals, after having responded to this thread yesterday, a memory came up that kind of fits... My very first penpal coincidentally lives in the same area where relatives of mine used to live, and she actually went to the same school like my cousins. My uncle knew her superficially and thought she was quite crazy (she's not - just a bit quirky). During a visit with my parents he made a snarky remark about her and asked my father why he didn't veto this correspondence (I was sixteen then, and we had been writing for 2 1/2 years). My dad said there was no way he'd interfere with my correspondence - if I got along with her, it was none of his business, and if I didn't, I'd discontinue it - but it was my decision. We are still corresponding now. It was 43 years in January since we started writing.
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Post by InsomniaQueen on Feb 5, 2022 19:23:40 GMT
My father used to say that if parents do their job the way they should, they make themselves redundant eventually. That didn't stop him from being 'fault-finding' and critical, but he tried hard not to be interfering, and as a result, sometimes his behaviour was on the verge of being rude and disinterested. My father tried to be fault-finding and critical of me in adulthood too. I would just walk away from him. No matter how provoking he tried to be, I ignored it. Eventually, he stopped. It is no fun trying to pick an argument with someone who won't argue back.
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Post by sunshine2170 on Feb 5, 2022 21:43:47 GMT
I want your dad ginnyIts amazing what parents do that carve your future without knowing. My father left whenI was 3 months old. He probably had no idea that that action and his consequent ignorance of my behaviour and not being a part of my life contributed to me and abandonment. Abandonment can come in different forms - if someone says no to me it affects me. I then have to analyze it from their point of view and that is the only way I can cope with it. Thanks for sharing everyone, each of your experience with parents helps
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