atransientlife
Crayons
Posts: 16
Looking for Penpals?: Yes. Global penpals welcome
Country I live in is: USA
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Post by atransientlife on Jun 18, 2018 23:46:30 GMT
Repetitiveness does bother me, but I also have to ensure against it when I write. So, I keep a letter journal that quickly summarizes each letter written and to whom. It's a wonderful reference and I enjoy looking back on what I've shared.
What I truly can't stand is when someone consistently complains, is generally negative in their letters. I understand that people need to vent, but if that's the common theme in each letter, it's a sign of a toxic nature (to me). I once had a correspondence with a pastor of a small congregation and all he did was complain about the congregation, his financial situation, how under appreciated he was and how minority women were tempting the men in his church. He knows I'm a minority.
I stopped writing to him after that.
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Post by stompie on Jun 19, 2018 15:22:52 GMT
Women were in the minority in your Church? Unusual!
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Post by ginny on Mar 6, 2020 11:21:03 GMT
Nice to see this thread getting 're-animated' As pleasant as it is to receive a letter in the mail, it's kind of disappointing when someone doesn't make an effort to get to know you. You don't have to ask a lot of questions for that - in a regular face-to-face conversation that's not happening, either. I try not to ask too many questions in letters myself because I would feel like being interrogated if someone sent me a letter literally full of questions, and I don't want to do that to anyone. I think generally it boils down to inconsiderate behaviour that I find off-putting. There's a balance between asking too much and being totally disinterested, and some people just don't get that. Having said that... we all are different, and what I think is off-putting might be just the way to go for someone else. As it is, we aren't compatible with everyone 'out there'
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oregonclaire
Pencils
Posts: 96
Looking for Penpals?: Yes. Global penpals welcome
Country I live in is: USA
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Post by oregonclaire on Mar 6, 2020 17:30:35 GMT
I've been fairly fortunate, I think, in that I haven't received very many "bad" letters. I generally try to be pretty selective about who I write to (gosh that sounds snobby, but it's not, I swear!) by picking folks who have shared interests so there is some kind of starting point for a conversation, or whose personality shines through so strongly that I think they'll be a hoot to correspond with. I've only been writing to pen pals for a year now, but this has served me well.
Of course, now I'm paranoid that I write bad letters, lol! I typically only keep the last letter received from a pen pal so that I can reference it in my reply, which has worked so far, but then I don't have that many regular correspondents whose details I need to recall. I'm a spreadsheet nerd (I keep one with a list of who I've sent a letter to and who I owe letters to), so I guess I could start a dossier of sorts if I start forgetting stuff.
I guess it goes back to what a person's goal is in writing to pen pals. I'm not a pen pal collector, but I'm also not necessarily looking for deep, intensely personal revelations from every correspondent either. I think it's difficult for adults to make connections with other adults (time constraints, geographic constraints, being really shy like I am, lol) and I enjoy that connection and hearing about the minutiae of everyday life - how is someone's knitting project coming, what book did they enjoy last, how they're keeping the squirrels from eating their garden... I have 3 women I write to where we're starting to talk about really personal things (relationships, mental health), but it's taken many exchanges of letters to build the kind of rapport needed to feel comfortable sharing.
Some people turn out not to be my cup of tea, and I'm probably not everyone's cup of tea either. I don't take it personally if someone stops writing to me.
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Post by motsamicaux on Mar 6, 2020 17:31:20 GMT
Illegible handwriting....
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Post by doultonmyra on Mar 6, 2020 18:17:30 GMT
I know that I write "bad" letters---especially a first letter. I just wrote a few to new people and my problem is this: I shift topics abruptly because I don't know if the reader will like my thoughts on books politics music cats travel whatever. I sometimes ask a lot of questions. Then in the next few letters I write (to different people) I feel that asking questions is presumptuous so I avoid it. Then there's my unsuccessful strategy of simply beginning with an anecdote--about the time my father mapped out the best route to visit as many presidential libraries as possible. I often will include a poem or quotation that I like and then I worry that my readers will think I'm being professorial. I often, in the interests of economy, will allow a bad ink blot to stand.
I think I'm too introverted and possibly eccentric to appeal to people. I don't think I'm special--I just think sending a letter out into the world before you've established a "vibe" can be a risky proposition.
As Ginny said above: "There's a balance between asking too much and being totally disinterested, and some people just don't get that." I think I have real trouble finding the balance.
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oregonclaire
Pencils
Posts: 96
Looking for Penpals?: Yes. Global penpals welcome
Country I live in is: USA
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Post by oregonclaire on Mar 6, 2020 19:09:01 GMT
I know that I write "bad" letters---especially a first letter. I just wrote a few to new people and my problem is this: I shift topics abruptly because I don't know if the reader will like my thoughts on books politics music cats travel whatever. I sometimes ask a lot of questions. Then in the next few letters I write (to different people) I feel that asking questions is presumptuous so I avoid it. Then there's my unsuccessful strategy of simply beginning with an anecdote--about the time my father mapped out the best route to visit as many presidential libraries as possible. I often will include a poem or quotation that I like and then I worry that my readers will think I'm being professorial. I often, in the interests of economy, will allow a bad ink blot to stand. I think I'm too introverted and possibly eccentric to appeal to people. I don't think I'm special--I just think sending a letter out into the world before you've established a "vibe" can be a risky proposition. As Ginny said above: "There's a balance between asking too much and being totally disinterested, and some people just don't get that." I think I have real trouble finding the balance. I keep running into people I've written letters to! LOL. I have a few people I friended on LetterMo that didn't get a letter in February, who are getting a "belated" LetterMo letter and yours is going out tomorrow. I hope my bad puns and scratchy pen are ok...
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Post by ginny on Mar 6, 2020 20:06:19 GMT
I know that I write "bad" letters---especially a first letter. I just wrote a few to new people and my problem is this: I shift topics abruptly because I don't know if the reader will like my thoughts on books politics music cats travel whatever. I sometimes ask a lot of questions. Then in the next few letters I write (to different people) I feel that asking questions is presumptuous so I avoid it. Then there's my unsuccessful strategy of simply beginning with an anecdote--about the time my father mapped out the best route to visit as many presidential libraries as possible. I often will include a poem or quotation that I like and then I worry that my readers will think I'm being professorial. I often, in the interests of economy, will allow a bad ink blot to stand. I think I'm too introverted and possibly eccentric to appeal to people. I don't think I'm special--I just think sending a letter out into the world before you've established a "vibe" can be a risky proposition. As Ginny said above: "There's a balance between asking too much and being totally disinterested, and some people just don't get that." I think I have real trouble finding the balance.
Well... you know what, first letters can be especially tricky. You want to make a good impression, so you try to come up with something unique, and then you begin to feel insecure about how much unique-ness your counterpart can take and if they might think you're weird. It's never easy when you tend to be self-conscious - also because in a letter, the dimension of seeing facial expressions and gesturing is missing. You have to rely on words, and sometimes your correspondent might take them differently from what you wanted them to convey.
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Post by ginny on Mar 6, 2020 20:08:15 GMT
Illegible handwriting.... That can be a huge turn-off, I agree. It's not about pretty or cute or whatever - it's about legible, really. I always, always say to my penpals that if it's easier for them they are welcome to type their letters, and some who have really difficult handwriting have switched to typing - I'm so grateful for that!
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Post by distractedmom on Mar 7, 2020 5:53:46 GMT
Then there's my unsuccessful strategy of simply beginning with an anecdote--about the time my father mapped out the best route to visit as many presidential libraries as possible. I’m intrigued!!!
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Post by radellaf on Mar 7, 2020 6:24:02 GMT
I don't know if I'd call them "bad", but there are letters I'm more excited to open than to read. They're almost always small single-pagers and never reply or even refer to my previous letter, as if they saw the envelope and just wrote something to the return address.
Nevertheless I do have a few good corresponders who write comparatively little and prefer to express their creativity with calligraphy, photography, art, washi, stamps, stickers, seals, special paper, origami... which is perfectly cool as long as my largely unadorned (apart from ink colors) text-only reply is rewarding for them to read.
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Post by DJW1066 on Mar 7, 2020 19:29:01 GMT
....I often, in the interests of economy, will allow a bad ink blot to stand..... I wouldn’t be surprised if my long suffering pen pals shudder a little as they open my letters in anticipation of an aesthetic calamity: ink blots pale when compared with corrections where the attempted word is scratched out as though by a 7 year old, usually in order to try again to make it more legible; corrections of the corrections; and “challenging” penmanship. These flaws don’t result from a cavalier attitude to the letter and aren’t indicative of a generally sloppy approach to life, but instead are functions of poor fine motor control and, regrettably, are my best effort. Lucky me to have pen pals that are patient and persevere with my letters. 😊
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