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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2021 20:02:04 GMT
I sent a potential snail mail penpal a longer introductory message online including a few questions to get the conversation going. The reply is not short, but nevertheless much shorter than my initial message. No questions. No 'Hi', no 'Best wishes'. And the person didn't mention his/her first name either. Frankly speaking, I don't know what and how to reply and would consider ghosting impolite. What would you do?
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Post by radellaf on Feb 28, 2021 21:06:21 GMT
I wouldn't count a short _online_ reply against someone, as I try to be careful not to say very much online, so as not to take away from what I could write. Not _acknowledging_ that I was doing that, in light of a long message from someone else, I would consider rude, though. I'd either forget about that person, or politely ask them once for more info.
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Post by distractedmom on Mar 1, 2021 14:34:09 GMT
Hmmm. Sometimes when I respond to an email or online message I treat the conversation more like a text chat, brief and without the extra chit-chat of a normal handwritten letter. I do that in the name of efficiency. You could always make a joke out of the fact that you don't know their name, make that a starting point of another message. Did the person seem interested in paper correspondence?
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Post by ginny on Mar 1, 2021 16:08:06 GMT
That's a tough one. Do you get the feeling that the person is genuinely interested in communicating? How quickly did the response come? I wouldn't read too much into the fact that they didn't mention their name - that can happen easily when you're in a hurry and just want to get that message on its way.
Did you get answers to your questions in a conversational style that invites more exchanges, or do you get the impression that the person was shutting themselves off?
I suppose I'd rely on my gut feeling. Ghosting might be rude, but after only one message, I wouldn't really feel too guilty, to be honest.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 1, 2021 20:42:19 GMT
Thanks a lot for your replies and the suggestions! Yes, the person is looking for a snail mail penpal. The reply was shorter than my message, but not superficial. I also told myself that I ought to ignore the missing salutation in this case. I'm so old-school. The "odds" are fifty-fifty, so I thought I give that person a second chance. Let's see what happens... P.S. I tried to make a joke of the missing name hoping that the person will understand my humour.
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Post by ginny on Mar 1, 2021 20:54:52 GMT
Thanks a lot for your replies and the suggestions! Yes, the person is looking for a snail mail penpal. The reply was shorter than my message, but not superficial. I also told myself that I ought to ignore the missing salutation in this case. I'm so old-school. The "odds" are fifty-fifty, so I thought I give that person a second chance. Let's see what happens... P.S. I tried to make a joke of the missing name hoping that the person will understand my humour. Keep us posted, OK? I'd love to know what comes out of this
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Post by radellaf on Mar 2, 2021 22:55:53 GMT
Hmmm. Sometimes when I respond to an email or online message I treat the conversation more like a text chat Not really talking about the situation in this thread, but as a general observation I do find it a bit weird when non-formal-business emails have a "Hello Renard," and end with any sort of sign off. "Sincerely" would seem really weird. A signature block with the person's name _and email_ is really redundant unless it's something other than the email they sent from. Like "sales@" vs "this.guy@". I kinda find any online message that begins "Renard," a bit off-putting. Like it's a bit scolding: "Renard! What did you say!" Or "Renard. What kind of an idiot are you to have said that last thing." Maybe that says more about my insecurity, or social media conversational trauma, than any social conventions. What I find really weird, that seems standard, is to say "Hi" and "Goodbye" on _voicemails_. I just say "this is Renard" and maybe end with a phone number or "please call back as soon as possible" (if it's urgent). These days with mobile phones and caller ID, I don't usually include a phone number. Just if I'm calling a company that I presume uses landlines and an office phone system.
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Post by penguy on Mar 3, 2021 3:41:46 GMT
I have mixed feelings about emails. The cutesy abbreviations drive me nuts...I dislike LOL, and the like. I use complete sentences and try to use good punctuation. My feeling is that emails have a tendency to degrade language. I don't however use inside addresses, Dear, or Sincerely in my emails.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2021 10:32:02 GMT
It's interesting to read about the different habits and compare them to my own ones and experiences. It sounds as if in electronic communication everything is possible and formalities or the lack thereof shouldn't be overrated.
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Post by ginny on Mar 3, 2021 16:44:10 GMT
Regarding e-mails, I think it depends on the context. I find it very irritating when I get an e-mail at work (I work at a university) that starts with 'Hello folks'. We get that from students sometimes, and you bet that it does not help the person to support their stance, whatever it is.
Not everything is possible in electronic communication, at least not if you aren't familiar with the recipient. It helps to have basic manners when addressing to someone you do not know personally, someone who represents an institution and / or is older than you.
Just saying.
Then, of course, I live in a country where it is not common to address people you do not know with their first name. Oh, and even if you work with them and have been doing so for eons, you have to wait until someone offers to go to first name basis.
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Post by radellaf on Mar 3, 2021 20:42:33 GMT
I'm not a fan of LOL in email, but will use : ) smileys informally. I do like abbreviations like IMHO or FWIW (and find it a bit annoying if people don't know those mean "In My HUMBLE Opinion" (not Honest) and "For What It's Worth"). I come from the old pre-web internet and BBSes. We also quote with ">" or quoted-printable and do not use Outlook concepts like "my comments in green". Email text does not have colors. If you are using them, you might as well also use LOL and actual emoji.
As for addressing people, I feel the "To:" field serves that purpose, and it's almost always first and last name. If it's to a bunch of "folks", there they are, at the top of the message, put there by the email system.
Basically, having grown up with email when it was over a 300 baud modem, it has always been something completely separate in etiquette from either a written letter or any of the million instant-message or text-message kind of services. Letters need addresses and envelopes and stuff before and after the body. Emails have all that as part of the protocol, so you just have to type the body.
IMHO, of course. And YMMV. ; )
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oregonclaire
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Looking for Penpals?: Yes. Global penpals welcome
Country I live in is: USA
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Post by oregonclaire on Mar 3, 2021 22:32:49 GMT
I'm a shameless abuser of LOL, both in informal email/other digital communication, and analog letters. I rely on it to be a shorthand way of communicating when I'm being a bit cheeky or not very serious, which is often, in the absence of facial or vocal cues.
It's interesting how varied different people's experiences/feelings about email can be, despite it being part of daily life for 20+ years for most of us.
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Post by filpot on Mar 4, 2021 10:41:28 GMT
Dear Everyone
This thread has just convinced me that I'm an absolute dinosaur!
I hate text messages, but unless it's for something like replying "Okay" to an "I'm on my way"-type message, I will always use some kind of sign off. Apart from LOL and BTW, I'm a bit lost with text speak, and once there are numbers in it, it might as well be ancient Sanskrit.
In emails, I always begin with a salutation - "Hola Guapixima" for a friend I email almost every day, "Yosie Brosie" for my brothers, "Dear + name".......... you get the idea. Similarly, there will always be a sign off. It would feel brusque and impolite to me not to do either of those things.
Cheers!
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Post by radellaf on Mar 4, 2021 16:45:27 GMT
Dear Everyone This thread has just convinced me that I'm an absolute dinosaur! I wonder if age or culture/country are more significant. The USA does have a reputation of being less polite, perhaps, on average. Also more invested in shortening any sort of communication, especially those at all connected to business or technology. I'm generally in favor of it. Not being _impolite_, but in cutting out 'extra' niceties. At the same time the USA is also extremely squeamish to even talk about other, perhaps crude, topics. It's a weird dichotomy. Free market ideology plus Protestantism explains much of it. I've been meaning to read a book about that aspect of my country's history.
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Post by ginny on Mar 4, 2021 18:42:27 GMT
Dear Everyone This thread has just convinced me that I'm an absolute dinosaur! I hate text messages, but unless it's for something like replying "Okay" to an "I'm on my way"-type message, I will always use some kind of sign off. Apart from LOL and BTW, I'm a bit lost with text speak, and once there are numbers in it, it might as well be ancient Sanskrit. In emails, I always begin with a salutation - "Hola Guapixima" for a friend I email almost every day, "Yosie Brosie" for my brothers, "Dear + name".......... you get the idea. Similarly, there will always be a sign off. It would feel brusque and impolite to me not to do either of those things. Cheers! Eh, filpot, I don't think you're a dinosaur. You're just a very polite person, and that's something good.
As for abbreviations / text speak... my all time favourite is 'KWIM'... an American penpal used this regularly in her communication. It took me ages to figure out it's supposed to mean 'know what I mean'. English / US text speak is a bit of a challenge for non-native-speakers. I do understand that it makes a lot of things easier in forums / mailing lists - things like 'TBH' (to be honest) or 'IMHO' (in my humble opinion) add some politeness, but you don't have to type out all the words...
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